In my feelings

Writing is a passion for me, a release really. It allows me to breathe, all of my invading thoughts and flooding emotions are too much to bare at times. Writing takes the edge off. Just like if you have sore muscles and soak in a hot bath, it takes the edge off but you still feel it.

Today is one of those days, and I think it helped me realize what I could really write about and really help others with. I want to be a person that is strong enough to stay planted when others cannot. Being someone that makes a difference for the better. Marriage and family and everything that is connected within it are two of the hardest things in life to accomplish in way that makes you feel successful at it.

These are topics that most find personal and best kept to ourselves, I used to be one of these people until today. Today, I spent time online researching and reading poems about the things on my mind, sometimes it feels good to see others can relate to your situations and circumstances. Not that I wish the same on another but knowing you are not the only one can really relax a person or drive them insane. I want to offer that here in my writings, I want to show that you are not alone and we all have our struggles that we hold inside convincing ourselves we are the only ones who know what it is like.

This is where I can be helpful, I’m going to do something I have never done. I am going to open up about the cold hard truth of marriage and family and how is feels to be a part of such things in this day of our lives.

Today mostly is just self reflection, feeling the shooting pain of old scars like arthritic joints in winter. At this point in time my marriage is working on the upswing but the key word there is upswing. There are many things I want to share and discuss in hopes that others will know they can get through it too and claim their upswing. Rather that is with their spouse or not. Once you get through the time at hand I cant promise you wont be left with scars, I surely have many of my own. Some I created due to not being perfect myself, none of us are and other scars I wear as a reminder that at the point in time I was not good enough.

I want to make one thing very clear and this is still something I am working on believing myself, I know it to be true logically but emotionally its a hard concept to grasp. Emotions can cause more problems than they resolve but they are necessary to achieve happiness, wisdom, and survival. Just remember and say it to yourself if you need to, THEIR perception does not define you. Their perception does mean you are not good enough. You are simply not good enough for THEM and that is their loss. Know your own worth, know who you really are, continue to love and continue to push forward. There are others that will love every ounce of you good and bad.

Marriage, family, in laws, children, communication, being a wife, motherhood, loyalty, honesty, deception and more taboo topics will become common here. Honestly, Marriage can feel like the loneliest thing you have ever done. Not everyone is meant to be a wife, a husband, a mother or a father and that’s ok but that is no right to hurt another due to your own limitations.

One of the hardest concepts to grasp is that someone can love you and still rip your heart out and stomp on it repeatedly, its called the hierarchy of needs. It is biologically coded in each of us to be selfish and put ourselves first. I guess some of us are glitches or malfunctions because there are those of us that go against nature in this way and put everyone else above ourselves and then you end up writing about it to help warn others that not being selfish can have consequences. Now that is some mind blowing shit. Complete bull shit if you ask me. Then when we become cold and reserved to protect ourselves from ourselves and others it is some how still our fault. It is very true when they say the realest people go through the most hurt.

People don’t understand the true extent of our interconnectedness. What you do to someone affects them in ways that will affect another rather it is good or bad. We are all hung up on ourselves but in reality everything you do affects another, the things I do affects another.

Humans are social creatures and need companionship either through friends, family, or love. However, when we lack the companionship and support we need we stop caring about how we affect others and focus on finding our happiness. Finding peace of mind within yourself and in no way am I pointing fingers. These things often happen without realizing it even though you logically know your actions or words will impacts another’s life for life.

I sincerely want to discuss family and what its like to try and be part of a new one that does not believe you are good enough to be there. I am going to discuss how it feels to leave a home that didn’t want you just to re enter into a new one that does not accept you either. Many people are born to lead a miserable life and I don’t mean in the since that its their purpose but simply the cards they were dealt by the ones bringing them in and by the ones they choose to fight for in hopes of regaining what was never given at birth. All anyone wants is to be loved, accepted, appreciated, supported, and needed.

You see, we do not choose to be born, we do not choose to have a broken home, and we do not choose the way we are treated and raised when we are brought into the world. Once we are here we are at the sole mercy of our PARENTS. Family is something I believe we all long for and deserve but not everyone is blessed enough to have it.

I came from a broken home, a miserable home. At seventeen I left and never looked back. I have one failed marriage on my belt and I feel as though I am failing another. You know they say it takes two to make it work and yes this does stand true but that means it only takes one of the two to ruin things. Could be either part at different times or the same time, the bottom line is it only takes one to make it not work like two. That seems to be the part people forget when they start blaming.

If there is anything anyone would like to see discussed don’t hesitate to reach out.



Legalized theft


My husband recently started a new job and this job requires that you file a 1099 which leaves you paying your own taxes at the end of the year. This has been a learning curve for us both that’s for sure however it got me to thinking about taxes and the purpose of taxes and why we are paying it. I understand that yes to an extent we should all pitch in and help out our communities and play our part but the trick is ensuring that’s where the money goes or gets used for.

If you think about it, we never gave permission nor were we included in deciding how it was used however, if you do not pay you will face consequences and possible jail time. Taxation is theft, I don’t know how they get away with it legally but they are stealing our hard earned money to pay for pointless and unnecessary wars among other things. I am not someone who supports war and I learned that 1/3-2/3 of our taxes is paying for past and current wars. Not once in my life have I signed a form saying I agree to pay a percentage of my wages towards wars I disagree with nor ever asked for. Our money is being taken and put towards things that are beyond our control rather you stand for it or not.

Looking at the difference between take home and gross pay, there is a struggle zone just within the tax amount that you lose. If we did not have to pay taxes out of our income we would be pretty comfortable personally, with the taxes that are taken out we do struggle from time to time. I’m unsure if this is by design or a screwed up coincidence but taxes do hurt us occasionally.

What are your thoughts on taxation?

Lifestyle, Uncategorized

Shaking my head at our school system

A couple days ago I achieved something I would have never though possible or doable, I officially registered as a homeschool and am now operational. Next year I will begin the journey of homeschooling my two boys, it will be a big adjustment for all of us here in our household. An exciting and challenging journey I’m sure but well worth it in the end.

Our school system now days has really gone down the toilet. The most important thing to them is discipline, test scores, and conformity. It truly makes me sick to my stomach that our children are deprived of everyday civil and personal rights solely because they are under eighteen. They will be disciplined for defending themselves, they can be searched anytime at school without permission of the student or the parent, many basic rights are stripped away from our children. I cannot speak for all schools but the ones in my area now limit their ability to talk and be loud even during the times they are not doing class or classwork such as lunch.

Not but just a couple of months ago my oldest son was suspended, the school has a no tolerance policy so ultimately he was suspended for standing up for himself. There is this bigger kid at school that picks on him A LOT, my son had enough and decided to fight back as he was taught to do. My boys will be taught to fight back no matter who says what. In the real world there are laws in place for this, its called self defense. Our children are denied this in school now, I wonder if it has anything to do with the more recent violent outbursts in schools? Who knows, and that is just speculation but this is a real problem in our school system today.

The material taught to our children changes all the time. There is now a new way of doing simple math problems, history books have been revised too many times to count and there are zero true life skills taught in schools now. This is my personal opinion. I feel like I could teach my children so much more myself, they will of course learn all the basics that are required to function and succeed in life like reading and math, but also the extras that we all wished we were taught growing up.

I want to homeschool my children and take more of a leading role in what they learn and allowing them to become better versions of themselves and not who our system wants them to be. My children will have a hand in picking what they want to learn, I believe you learn best when you are interested in the subject at hand. It is important for my boys to know they can follow there own way instead of following the one that has been paved out for them.

What are you thoughts on the way out current school system is running?

Homeschool vs Public school

Lifestyle, Uncategorized

Rat race life

I have had business on the brain a lot more lately with trying to get my at home business up and running and I got to thinking about how nice it would be to just live life, enjoy life, explore, go on adventures, do what you wanted when you wanted to do it, and just truly be free without the stress of having money. Todays world is so hustle and bustle and go, go, go. It just needs to slow way way down.

You literally cannot survive in todays world without money and I don’t mean that in the sense that its not possible to achieve physically or mentally but legally, you will find many issues and bumps in the road. Which is a shame because it is a huge dream of mine to regress a bit in time and become more self sufficient and live a more minimalistic lifestyle.

I believe in the barter system and the village code, if one is eating were all eating, working together as one. These were the days of what it truly meant to empower each other, now we all compete and knock each other down, were not lifting each other up anymore. This needs to change.

Todays way of life is so addicted to money in every way it is destroying us as a society, as communities, and as families. It is no joke when you hear the saying money is the root of all evil. You have to have money to make money, you have to have money to eat, to live, to survive, to learn, to have a home, even to cover the basic human necessities.

Our basic rights have been stripped away from us just so they can be sold back to us such as hunting and fishing.

Some states are now making it illegal to live off grid, own chickens, catch rain water, or even own a garden.

We the people are manipulated and taken advantage of everyday. This needs to stop.

Money dictates what we are worth, our status, our overall place in the world and honestly money is not a relevant factor in determining a persons worth to the world.

Maybe next there will be an off grid war where those wanting to break free of the corrupt system will need to up rise and protest there natural born rights to live off the land mother nature has provided for us and best believe I would be right there helping and fighting for those rights.

What are your thoughts and opinions about the requirement for money to live in todays world, off grid living, and minimalistic living?

Lifestyle, Uncategorized

The beginning

Hello everyone, Hope all is well in the world. I am new to this blog stuff and figured what the heck, I can’t succeed or get better unless I just jump in and do it. So here I am, starting my blog. Here I will discuss many topics and categories and various different activities. My interests are very broad and so my blog will be as well. I don’t want to limit myself or my readers. You will see stuff covering medical, education, survival, homesteading, crafting, homemade goods, cooking, and so much more.

However, for my first blog here I just want to briefly introduce myself. I am a mother of two rambunctious boys and the wife of an amazing man. Personally I struggle with Bi-polar, depression, anxiety, and OCD so you will see those topics a lot here. I will discuss personal things as well as non personal. I am an entrepreneur at heart, I love trying new things and finding my own way. Currently I am working on the beginning stages of my at home business; Love, Peace, & Accessories. I will be making custom jewelry, T-shirts, macramé, crotchet, photography, and possibly more one day. My goal is to one day be living as self sufficient as legally possible and off of the land, I want to improve and extend my homestead but that will come with time.

Most of my hobbies include spending time with my family, fishing, hunting, camping, 4-wheeling, horse back riding, homesteading, gardening, writing, crafting, pool, bowling, bike rides, hiking, and so much more. Anything outdoors really and I am all set. If anyone has a topic suggestion that they would like to read about and do not see often please let me know. I love learning new things and discovering new things even if it is just new to me, I will definitely take topic requests. At heart I am truly a meat eating tree hugging hippie, I will promote a lot of love and peace but at the same time you will see survival stuff as well. This blog will be factual, it will be opinionated, and it will be real; this is not for the closed minded, the negative, or the judgmental. You will see tough topics discussed here, but they will be covered respectfully and truthfully.

Love & Peace to all